WatchDog Collar

Dogs! Train Your Disobedient Master

Posted by Administrator on 6/13/2013 to Dogs! Train Your Human

"Gifts For Eccentric Dogs and Their Obedient Masters" or "HOW to Train Your Human to Get You Luxury Dog Gifts" by Dread Bizorr, the Cane Corso Limo Drivin' Dog.  

Hey there you gorgeous mutts... It's me Dread Bizorr, yeah...the Cane Corso dog who's stoic, free flowing , pitch black silky image graces the Internet... in black...in fact, in black silhoutted form. Art all in itself...I must say...eh, huh...ok, back to you gorgeous mutts. Yes I am a purebred Cane Corso, but that is not the main thing that makes me SO attractive to the general public, that I get pampered from every direction. Don't get me wrong,  being a purebred Cane Corso is my best trait when I am naked of my Watchdog Collar™. Non the less...I only reached rockstar level from wearing my dog collar with a watch everywhere I go. And I mean everywhere... to limo side coastal dining while critiquing posh, red carpet restaurants....to chauffeuring celebrities..o.k., you caught me...assistant limo driver is what I was...there! My master is supposed to have had my limo daze and freelancing critiquing days documented with articles from my critique column...huh..um...I mean...published on this site...but you don't know how it is when we dogs want to take control, but sometimes we see no way clear. Our masters can be very disobedient, yet sometimes its out of ignorance...I don't mean stupidity...emmm...ahhh...I just mean that they just might sometimes, ignore certain primary things in life...to us dogs...that is. Its a shame they are so stubborn...but you can't stop loving them, no matter what they do to you, at least I can't anyway.

So I say all that, to say this to you, my best buds...If you don't train your human from when you are a puppy...it can take years to get full control. Now full control is what you will need at this time... you know with the economy and the times being so hard, it's difficult to train them to open their wallets to us... (later on that).   Your primary need and goal is... to get more attention! RIGHT? Speak now! Are you with me here? You do just want MORE attention right? NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU GET?...Above all else...you just want more loving pets and attention right? In fact, go ahead...you can admit it...admit that you will go for strangers attention too...when you finally find a way to get to their heart so you can trust them. I mean a fool proof way, without getting abused or stolen...right? Who knows what strangers are capable of doing to harm us dogs... or any animal for that matter.

Here's the training method I used to get what I want from my master... only, keep in mind that your training technique must be as high in quality as your expectations are for results that achieve ultimate obedience.  Learn my exact "Training Your Human" process outlined here. With a little custom tailoring to fit your particular hum'  you can achieve perfect obedience. I am about to teach you dogs some simple schooling for bad owners who only think of themselves.  Word up all dogs and pups! These lessons in training humans are priceless, as a spiritually unconscience master is the saddest possible scenario. And of course, your end results will largely depend on the particular character of your person......along with genetic values your guy or gal might possess... some have suffered abuse, don't forget. always be K9nd...that equals true love in our kingdom as you know, so keep that commandment of kindness. Because your pet parent might get rid of you if you are not kind...or at least ignore you completely between your training sessions. Here is a simple way you can train your human. I can show you how to emotionally set the stage, in order to get them to at least listen when they are spoken to within the first lesson.

Here is the first step. Find a habit your owner has that will benefit you. Just pick one human to train for now...of course pick the smartest one in your household...probably the woman...no prejudice intended, but women are statistically more trainable than men (It's not my opinion...I just report the facts.) So , I'm saying, women can be easily trained. For one thing they are suckers for a good deal for the family. Remember I already taught you about using their natural actions as a training opportunity. Women pet owners are prime candidates to teach to shop on flash sale sites like www.doggyloot.com. Which is what your ultimate intention for this training should be... and is actually what level of people training Iv'e got HER...my pet parent, up to.  (I'm smarter than her so called 'smart' PHONE, and she has no idea). Dog!... you dawg, don't paw impatiently... just pause... cool your jets man and listen.! I'm almost to the first point.

I'm trying to give you good training techniques that will develop loving communications and real results. As I was saying...Observe your hum's natural habits and find one you can connect with them on. This is a basic start to get your human to understand how you will be communicating with them throughout your human training program... Its an old dog trick passed down from the Cane Corso breed for centuries now. That's what they say anyway.

The initial key point is to find that repetitive action your master does that can benefit you...  like going into the kitchen often, they may as well bring a treat back to you, no skin off their backs. We would do it for them...right?... if they would only ask, but they never do. Because our masters do not dedicate as much time training us as we do them... we don't get as many dog treats as we would like. I will show you how to change that problem trait in your owner and even teach you how to get them to think they are training you, instead of vice versa.  If you listen and pay attention...in one easy lesson, you can train your master to get some snacks for you every time they go in the kitchen..and we all know how often they satiate themselves in there. Once you learn this first training technique ...the rest will come natural for you...if you are a natural born dog that is... and not some cat that went through the operations just to look like a dog.

Start with this simple lesson. The next time your hum' goes into the kitchen, slip in there silently...sit quietly at their feet, But not where they can trip over your. That would defeat your purpose and set you back days, or weeks even, so be careful.  Listen closely here...! When they open a food wrapper or pop a can of soda, make a short whimpering sound, but not an annoying one or they will just put you outside where there is no chance to continue the lesson.  When you whimper, at the exact moment they glance at you, give em' your best look of forlornness...you know, that almost sick look that works so well on their sympathy. Make em' feel guilty for eating in front of you. This is where, if you're good with expressions, you'll get them thinking about what they have in way of dog treats, 'cause no way are they gonna share that precious people food with you. Here's the critical part dogs...when they grab a doggy snack and offer it to you...wag your tail excessively and put your paw up to them in gratitude. Thats when they will get the idea of how easy it would be to train you to shake hands. See the theory I'm getting at? They will think they are working with a natural act you already do, in order to teach you a cool dog trick. Calm down now Rover and listen up... They are going to give you a treat every time you even lift your paw half way to their hand. So only raise your paw half way about every other or third time they command you to "SHAKE". This method will ensure they believe you don't quite get it and they will just keep dishing  out the dog bones until their commercial ends back in the living room. Now ... back to the couch and up around their feet or jump into their lap if allowed, and rub your face sideways against any part of their body and then look up at them with the best love eyes you can muster up. Now you got them thinking how satisfying it was for both of you to have had that... ut hum..dog training session in the kitchen. lol! O.K. now you know you NEED to work with a habit your master already has. But, make sure their habit can benefit you before you waste your time on it. Not many human tricks are cute, but the tricks you choose to teach them should at least get something you need or want.

The number of your people teaching sessions added up, will probably equal about 20 minutes total training per day...depending on your pet parents' appetite, race and natural born disposition. In about 1 week  you should have them trained to give you treats in the kitchen consistently and on command, without them growling about it...ONLY then can you move onto teaching them to bring the treats to you in the living room. After the living room lessons...  you will be able to move on to training your hum' to deliver treats to any room in ear shot of them. Once they are prepared: When they get up from the couch to go get them something from the refrigerator, immediately, before they get out of ear shot, bark one loud, but very short bark. They will look at you every time. Now grin. If you just don't know how to grin...turn your head side to side and at the same time raise your paw up and paw the air. They will laugh and exclaim to everyone else in the room "Look at Rufus, how cute...he's letting me know he wants a "SHAKE" lesson" then, you will be called into the kitchen where the treats are... DON'T BUDGE! Sit right there and keep up the act. Make it cuter and cuter...get them all laughing in delight with your antics. I guarantee your hum' will be back to the couch in seconds with your treat. Be sure you put your paw instantly, and directly into their hand, the very moment they give you the command to "SHAKE". This shows them that you are smarter in the living room than the kitchen. Now they are thinking how much easier it is to train you in the living room. he he! Got that dogs? It's really simple. Reverse phycology. Make all your human training as easy as possible on your master and they will learn so much faster than if you make it difficult for them with any inconsistencies or unclear commands... or any type of bad psychology. Congratulations pups, you are now getting your treats delivered to the living room on command. No more missing the first lines of Pit Boss when the commercials end.

O.K. I think your owner is now ready to learn the "Joy Ride" lesson, if you are not allowed to ride in the car yet...you'll love this one. Once you get to go in the car, life will never be the same. Its a big happening pal, let me tell you...There is nothing like it on earth. Here's the lesson broken down to a science.

1. When you hear the rattling of car keys, run to the door and give your master the sign you always use when you need out to do your business (whatever that might be for you). They will realize that they need to let you do your business on the lawn before they leave in the car. Otherwise they already know there will be an "accident" on the carpet when they return.

2. When they open the door, it is important to keep in front of them, run to the grass or tree, squat, or lift your leg for just 4 seconds (no need to actually relieve yourself, I am certain they won't be watching THAT close.)

3. Now run to the drivers side car door and wait patiently for your owner there. Give them your #1 top expression that melts their heart the most, while intermittently look back and forth from the car door back to them and then back to the car door... over and over. Let out a really cute noise of any kind when you do this. They will laugh and think to themselves how they will tell their mate what you did at the car. After the laughter, don't push it at this point. They will coax you back into the house. Be sure that in this first "Joy Ride" lesson,  that you go happily and willingly back into the house and let them leave in the car without you. Remember, patience is the best practice to keep your person stress free. They will learn quicker and will retain what you teach them throughout the life you have together. What you teach them now may save their life someday. The next time you hear the car keys rattling, do the same actions...consistency is also so very important. But, when you get to the part of their training session where they try taking you back into the house, just sit there, don't get excited, that will only distract them. Use the same trick you used in the treat training session. Turn your head side to side...this time exaggerate it... as they are a little desensitized to the antic by now. Don't peep a word, just keep turning your head side to side. Now stop...while looking deep into their eyes with a locked stare, gradually turn both your eyes toward the car door while keeping your head aimed straight at your pet parent. Move your eyes real slow and move them back and forth to them to the door... to them...to the door, and time it like a very slow motion musical rhythm. (use an almost eerie look) They should already be asking themselves if they should take you...thinking, "maybe just this one time" But beware, they are probably not quite ready to give in yet, though much progress will have taken place by then, believe it or not. So go willingly back in the house for now...session over! Settle down boys...patience patience. If I can't teach you pack o' dogs about anything else, please let me teach you about the importance of patience while training ANY human. It is better to train your guy or gal correctly, right from the start, rather than fighting them your whole life just to get your basic needs met by them. Now don't think I'm greedy or selfish, because I would get all the things I need for myself if I could. But, 1: I'm not allowed in the stores, except Petsmart, 2. I havn't sold any upgrades to this free"How to Train Your Human Lesson". So even if they would let me in to shop for steak and rice, I have no way to pay. 3. I can't drive, though I do know three dogs that can drive. My owner thinks I'm not smart enough to drive and therefore would never think to teach me. But...come to think of it... on the other paw, I don't try to teach my owner to swim with all her four limbs all at once either, for the same reason... I don't think she is smart enough to learn. Mainly because she never learned the 4-limb swim stroke as a child, I think it's too late now. I guess I could be wrong ... just like she is wrong about me not being smart enough to learn to drive.

Its critical for the next step in this car ride invite lesson, that you wait for a time your master is on their way out, but wait for a time they appear to be in a  huge hurry. You hear the car keys rattle, they rush around the house grabbing minor things they need, but they did not get dressed for the drive (good indication they are rushed.) Do all I taught you dogs, only this time when you get to the part you are encouraged to go back inside, don't go. Stand your ground while being gentle but firm, be the alpha dog that knows the power of persistence or they will not take you seriously and you will lose all the ground you have already gained. Hang in there...you are almost in the car...window down...nose up in the air...lips flappin', the World passing by in a flash and boy  ... it's heaven. Whoow! Whew!!!!.....I need me a car ride RIGHT now!  In my upgrade to these People Training Lessons, you will learn how to get to this same advanced level I am about to use on my owner right now. But you gotta pay to play, so buy my "Top Dog Devices for Training Your "A" Type Personality Pet Parent" while I am out joy riding. Im back now where were we?. Oh. yah...I left at you standing your ground at the car door. Because they are in such a hurry and you have softened them to the idea of sharing their car space with you, they will open the door and say, "Get in then brat" Be quick about it and jump right in, otherwise they will lose their mindless state and rush you back in the house forcibly with a leash. Timing is everything when dealing with hums'. Keep that in mind always and you will get further faster with each level of progression. Now you are in the car and life is suddenly seen through rosy colored glasses.  Whatever you do, don't dig your nails into the leather from excitement. And be extra careful to NOT drool on the windows. The best and most fun way to keep from drooling right onto the window is to lean out as far as you safely can, and turn your head slightly toward the back of car. That angle will send the drool out onto the asphalt and you get yet another ride in the car. Don't do anything in the car that you already know your person hates. Any one of those things will pretty much insure it will be your last car ride. Now heres the mistake most dogs and especially puppies make. They notice how their master touched the the door panel to let themselves out. So after a while the dog feels that their owner may have disappeared and never to be seen again, or get wild imaginations that their hum is in danger and they must go find and rescue them. Because of these tendencies in the inexperienced joy riding dog or pup, the mutt decides to touch the door panel with his paws. When the door does not respond correctly, they try the teeth...then back to the paws... back to the teeth. Then! oops here comes the hum' back to the car and discovers the nightmare that awaits em'. No more car rides for those dumb dogs. Don't be a dumb dog. Remember what I already taught you about patience? That little bit of strength in character will go a REAL long way when you are waiting in the car for any reason. Do those few things I recommended here while on your ride about and you will be in that car many more times through the years. Oh...and when your master is in the car with you...Entice strangers to come close with a soft friendly look, then bark at them when they approach. This will subconsciencly train your driver to feel they are not safe going anywhere without you.

Finallly, we have come to the meat of this training program...Teaching them to shop Online...for you dogs. This is where it gets easy, but don't jump ahead or they will get suspicious...Start with opening a flash sale site on their computer (not yours) a flash sale site selling products strictly for moms and kids. Now walk away and rest off to the side a bit. Keep an eye on her... I'm assuming you took my advise about training your pet mom rather than dad. It will really pay off now if you did. So... watch her closely without her knowing. You will see her checking out the flash sale site...for hours maybe...even the first visit. As soon as you see her hit that buy now button...whoa baby...your in route to a whole new perspective of "Things"..."Stuff will become much more than stuff to you shortly. Watch this! Your insatiable hum' will most likely become addicted to that private sale site you trained her to use. 'cause flash sales are offering stuff we dogs love for more than 50% off as a rule of claw

It's time now to wait again...patience my boys patience again. Wait a few days, but not so many that she runs out of cashola. A few days will work. After that You just leave their computer on www.doggyloot, set  the PC screen to stay lit indefinitely...and walk away...just act naturally...It'll be shortly after that the the dog gifts start pouring in...and you won't feel guilty, because you'll notice a change in their character. They will seem to be more well balanced, more content and especially more secure just knowing they are in good wise hands of their dog. Just the way it should be.While she is out of the room getting a snack (don't be tempted to command her to bring a snack back to you, as she will get distracted.) Open up www.doggyloot.com and look for Artifarts™ Dog Mats. If you are that lucky dog you brag about being, then there will HAPPEN to be an Artifarts "Give the Dog a Bone"dog mat sale going on right then. Leave the computer now and go ly down again. She will come back and be so amused and delighted with the dog bone shaped faux grass for dogs... thats YOU...that she won't even wonder how the site came up while she was indulging in the kitchen. After she orders your dog bone mat, don't push the doggyloot thing anymore. Don't worry she will keep buying "stuff" for you, thats just her human nature and besides she will register on the site...guaranteed! Afterwards she'll receive emails  inviting her to the new private sales daily. Watch doggyloot sales from there on out. Look for the WatchDog Collar™. Thats the dog collar I spoke of that has given me rockstar status from wearing it. Make sure you convey to your people that you need a lot more attention than they realize, and the only way I found in my 7 yrs of long life, to get that...is a Watch on my collar. But not just any watch on my collar, but a diamond Cartier watch...now don't jump to conclusions now. My LolaPallouza style WatchDog Collar gets me more balanced attention...Well, I'm not saying that river people are more balanced than the eccentric rich... I do know that the eccentric flood you rich dogs with dog gifts... OHHH...YAMMMYGHR>>>I need a cat nap... I'll come back after and teach you all the rest you need to know in order to get one of these Watch Dog Collars™

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Laban Date 6/14/2013
Alright, with all this interesting and skillful instruct. I am a new owner, but can see the advantages this will garner already. Thank you. Laban keilev.
 
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